What If?

In this beautiful Friday, with such positive vibes of International Women’s Day, I started my day attending a great sharing session from a London’s woman entrepreneur who set up her business 5 years ago in Carnaby Street. One thing she mentioned about being a woman, is that women love to share to each other.

Following her step, today I would also like to take a moment to share a little bit about something that I think might be relevant for some people, not only women but also men.

This thing happens to me so often and despite the fact I have encountered it so many times, I’m still struggling to do my best. While at the same time, I am always thankful that I tried to do it as much as I could. That thing is, to beat my own fear.

People might know me as a bubbly, expressive, and approachable person. I was not always like that. When I was a kid, I was such a timid person. I did not want to go out without my parents because I was too shy. My mom was worried if I’d be bullied by the big guy in my kindergarten class because I was so small (in size, compared to other toddlers 😁). Yes, being small is not always an advantage. However, as a matter of fact, I have been using my physical size as an inner power to push myself. The same way as I have been using my gender, my origin, or any other things that might be causing a feeling of inferiority for me.

I am thankful that I was able to tick my dreams one by one. But what people see on the outside might just be the blooming flowers of what happened behind the curtain. I got rejected many times. But those weren’t the hardest part. Those were actually relieving parts. For me, the hardest ones were the moment where I needed to overcome my fear. The fear when I was about to do something.

When I was afraid that..

What if nobody would hear me because I’m a girl and I’m small? What if I, who come from a small city, couldn’t compete with people from the capital? What if they make fun of my accent? What if they do not understand my English? What if I won’t be able to write a piece of essay as good as the native speakers? What if simply the stuffs that I’d pursue were beyond my capabilities?

Those questions came to me many times. When I applied to schools, when I applied to universities, when I applied for job, and it’s still happening to me so many times right now. When it happens, I keep reminding myself to look to what I have done before. The reason that I am here today and I am who I am now, is simply because I had the courage to overcome those terrifying questions. Simply because I push myself to try, no matter what.

Because you never know if you’d win the lottery if you didn’t try. And sometimes it’s easier to imagine that the chances you want to pursue in your life are like those lotteries. You simply need to try. You may not succeed in your first shot, but hey, maybe in your 2nd, 3rd, or 4th you’d get it.

All in all, I really respect all the courageous women out there. Wherever you are now, you must have put so much efforts to have the courage to take those decisions and pursue what you want to pursue. We just have to remember that we can’t stop fear from coming, what we can do is just to keep going.

Happy International Women’s Day :)

xx